This week's episode was pretty entertaining from where I stand. I've had a pretty hectic week this week, but fear not, I will still give you the goods! Enough bullshit, let's cut to the chase. Find out what I thought was good or bad this week after the jump!
Lots of things were promised tonight and once we opened the show with Jerry Lawler, I knew we were in for something special (Jerry would not get his ass up from that chair for anything less). He explains that we will have a Rock concert and a John Cena rap tonight....cool...you mean like last year right? When Cena gave us a PG oriented version of his former self....you mean that guy.....right? I mean, John Cena probably doesn't even own a throwback jersey anymore and--
So, you are a wrestling mark.....
So, you have a pure hatred for anything PG.....
So, you think you are untouchable....
WORD LIFE!
The Doctor of Thuganomics has returned
If you did not mark out at the sight of a throwback jersey clad, Marky Mark circa Four Brothers swagger havin', Doctorate in Thuganomics, certified to slap the lips off of Dwayne Johnson......OK....maybe I'm over hyping this, but that's how I reacted. Say what you want, I thought his appearance alone made this segment worth watching. The rap itself, was pretty awesome as well. John Cena has just been money lately and tonight was no exception. Great opener.
Match 1:: Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler
Good decision by management to book these two in a rematch here. Good, exciting match that again saw Dolph bump around for Sheamus until not even a million dollars looked so good. Not a big fan of the way Dolph has been booked lately (or Sheamus for that matter), but win or lose, he has really become the WWE's go-to performer. Sadly, his powers have yet to be used to his own advantage, but when Dolph's motor gets running, who really gives a shit. I did have to dock this one a quarter for the fact that Sheamus was a bit awkward at times.
Match Rating: 3.75/5
Then again, I might just give em' that quarter back just for the awesome smug as fuck aura Daniel Bryan was emitting from the skybox...
Cheer up AJ, even though he's a MASSIVE douche, he's still a MASSIVE step up from Jay Lethal
Time out, slut break...
"Eve! Check out my new shirt, it goes great with that whore paint on your face"
Match 2:: Santino Marella w/Aksana vs. Mark Henry & David Otunga
I wasn't really into this match, but I never really complain at the sight of Aksana's magnificent curves
Screw Henry & Otunga, I know someone I'd like to give the Cobra to...
The match itself was meant solely to promote the big 12man Tag match at Wrestlemania. Fine by me, but I'm not too excited for this one. Still, with 3 of the biggest matches ever already announced, who the fuck cares?
Match Rating: 2/5
Match 3:: Brodus Clay vs. Jinder Mahal
It's well documented that I am not the biggest fan of Brodus Clay, but seeing him squash Jinder Mahal the way he did brought joy to my heart. Thank you, Funkasaurus, thank you very much.
Oh, and if you're a twitter guy like me, you'll notice the Bella Twins don't approve of the Funkettes stealing their entrance move from them. I ran the ol' DVR back to take a second look and thought I would--
I'm sorry Nikki and Brie....what were you saying?
Match Rating: 2/5
As promised, we get the now annual face off between Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker
Let's get this over with, it's quail season dammit!
Gotta say, I was a bit disappointed by this segment. Nothing too memorable here, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Shawn is playing the role of master manipulator in the buildup between HHH and Taker and I'm on board because overall, he's delivered. Shit, what really needs to be said here....the match hypes itself....everything else is just icing at this point. Nice touch by HBK teasing that HE will ironically be the one to end the streak and the tease of the super kick tonight. Good stuff Shawn, good to know you'll still find a way to steal the show even with a striped shirt on.
Match 4:: CM Punk vs. The Miz
Cool intros by James Roday from Psych here. As far as the match goes, I pretty much knew Miz had no shot at winning and that made it hard for me to care about this match. I never really liked the chemistry between these two anyway and that didn't help much either. Thankfully, the post match promo from Chris Jericho saved the day. Chris was his usual brilliant self here. Again, for me, this is another match that barely needs a storyline (I think it's going to be that good). That being said, I thought it was pure genius on Jericho's part to bring up CM Punk's alcoholic father and the comments about Punk's tattoo addiction were very good as well. This storyline hasn't been the most talked about, but arguably, it's far and away the most consistent.
Match Rating: 2/5
Ok, let's take a break to revel in the greatness that is the David Otunga vignette
The best vignette of the decade so far
Match 5:: Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger
Not bad, given that I did not expect much when this was announced. Swagger isn't on my shit list, but he IS on my "I don't give a shit list", which could in fact, be worse. I don't know what it is, I don't hate him, but he's just missing something for me. Still, he impressed me a bit against Orton here. Solid match. Cool moment post match with Kane's pyro going off and making Randy shit his trunks.
Match Rating: 3/5
Our last segment of the night saw the arrival of The Rock with his guitar in tow
Take that guitar...shine it up reaaallll nice...turn that sum'bitch sideways..
I'm kidding guys, in all honesty, this wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Well that is until Rock decided to do an impression of a drunk blond in a bar singing karaoke to a crowd of horny guys, with his terrible rendition of Queen's "We Will Rock You". I was actually thoroughly entertained prior to this. Honestly Rocky....WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!!!??? It was so bad I was tempted to punch myself in the nuts. Why? I have no fucking idea!! That's how bad this shit was...it was driving me crazy! Seriously I'd let everyone who reads this review kick me in the balls before I'd watch that shit again. Wow....to Rock's credit, I bet this idea looked good on paper...or his hand....or whatever.....Other than the Queen cover though, it was pretty good. The crowd ate this shit up and that's all that really matters. Don't tell any Internet wrestling fan over 20 though, their heads will explode.
Final Thoughts: A pretty good show overall. A couple of the matches were duds, but that's to be expected on TV. No real complaints other then Queen being horribly covered by The Rock and pretty much every drunk person in Cleveland.
Overall episode rating: 8.5
What to watch if you DVR'd the show: Take the good with the bad. Almost everything except the meaningless filler with Teddy Long and Johnny Ace was entertaining tonight.
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