Here are my thoughts on last night's episode:
We open the show with an appearance from the Human Douche Machine, John Laurinaitis.
Trending right now: Douchelord
Does Big Johnny really expect us to be afraid of him when he "loses his temper"? That's almost as laughable as his general existence. Didn't really see the point of this promo. John's voice is so annoying that it almost makes it hard for me to pay attention to anything he says. Still, all in all, I'm digging this feud so far. Even if him punishing anyone who makes fun of his voice is kind of silly. He then rants about how big he was in Japan (YAWN!). This is getting pretty boring really fast.
Enter CM Punk.
In all honesty, Punk and Johnny Ace have much more chemistry together. That's just my opinion. I still think there's a lot of steam left between the two of them and tonight was a good example of that. Great mic work by Punk here, but that's to be expected. Gotta say, even though the whole, "CM Punk insults John Laurinaitis and gets punished for it", thing is kind of tired, Punk's always better when his back's against the wall. Punk vs. Lord Tensai is announced. Fine by me. On a side note, Johnny yelling at Big Show basically for taking up the entire hallway, was pretty funny. On another side note, can we dead the lame Johnny Ace impressions please?
This was a fun little match up until Cody decided to take his title and run away. I really hope we can see another feud for the IC title now. I'm bored with Big Show altogether, and would rather someone like Kofi Kingston get a shot. He and Rhodes would have some terrific matches. Either way, I could have cared less once Eve arrived. HO-LEE-SHIT. She really cut Big Show's nuts off tonight. I love me a woman with power.
Match Rating: *
Match 2: Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler
Another fun match that turned out to be a total waste. Here you have two guys that tore the house down a little over a month ago on superstars, and now they're barely even given any time to showcase just how good they are together here on Raw. I still have high expectations for both men because they're young, and this IS the WWE, but there's not much to be said about their match here. Ziggler picks up the win after a distraction from Jack Swagger. I think we can expect a Tag title feud here. Meh.
Match Rating: *1/2
After commercial, John Cena will be live via. satellite
I always wondered why most crew members were kept off camera. Now I know.
Michael Cole conducts an interview with Cena that sold the feud much better then whatever the hell Johnny was trying to do in the opener. I like that Cena has shown much more vulnerability as of late. Those of us that have been wanting more dimension with his character have now gotten our wish. It's not quite the epic heel turn everyone wanted, but don't let that deter you from enjoying some of the more interesting storylines involving John Cena in recent memory. In other news, don't let his recently less biased commentary fool you, Michael Cole is still a massive tool.
Hold that thought, I have some candy for your viewing pleasure...
For those of you who read my "Sex Sells" article, I give you Exhibit A.
Match 3: Kelly Kelly and Divas Champion Layla vs. Maxine and Natalya
Is anyone else happy Natalya's farting gimmick is apparently scrapped? Shitty gimmicks (pun intended) aside, man are these some sexy women. No matter your type, you will find what you are looking for here. As far as the match goes, like every male in the audience over 15, I was too busy enjoying the view to care about the match. I think that says a lot about the ring work here.
Where O where are my Divas DVDs!?
Match Rating: *
This episode is kind of a drag....
Match 4: Alberto Del Rio and Chris Jericho vs. World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus and Randy Orton
Ladies and Marks, tonight's entertainment has arrived.
That jacket comes in handy during a power outage.
Finally, something to make this episode worth watching. As we all saw at the Royal Rumble, Jericho and Sheamus work well together. I find Randy and Alberto's chemistry to be pretty good as well. Throw all four of them together, and it's gold. I'm pretty sure the Fatal 4 Way idea came from the awesomeness of this match alone. Over The Limit has now become what seems like the billionth "must see" WWE PPV this year. Rent is becoming increasingly hard to pay. Jericho picks up the win for team "Alberto Del Jericho" here after hitting Sheamus with the Codebreaker. Insert Randy Orton's mandatory "it's your fault" RKO here. Very exciting match. The post match stuff was fun as well. Great work all around.
Match Rating: ***3/4
Match 5: Brodus Clay vs. The Miz
OK, I know I was a bit harsh on The Funkasaurus when he first debuted, but I think tonight justified pretty much everything I had to say. If you don't roll your eyes at the sight of this guy at this point, then you're either 12 or you don't take the product very seriously to begin with. I'm completely fine with him eating jobbers for dinner, but a former WWE Champion? I'd rather have an STD-Athon with the Bella Twins.
Judging by Clay's face, he appears to be taking a massive crap on the entire viewing audience.
Sigh....
Match Rating: *
PAUL HEYMAN IS HERE!!!!! Fuck everything else that just happened.
Insert IWC Orgasm here.
As mark out worthy as Heyman's mere presence alone was, I was a bit let down by what he had to say. Apparently Brock has quit the WWE and Heyman is here as his legal representative (I guess that's what the WWE calls a 'mouthpiece' now). I felt that the whole segment was kind of dull and that's OK. It doesn't really matter anyway. The only thing that matters is the missing piece to the Brock Lesnar puzzle is here now. Only good can come out of Paul Heyman's involvement in anything pro wrestling. Let's be sure to enjoy this for as long as it will last.
Did the audience really pop for the announcement of Brock Lesnar quitting? He is more over as a heel than I thought. Aw, who gives a shit. Paul Heyman has returned!!!! This moment was almost as awesome as Brock returning himself. Loving this.
Big Show is seen backstage talking with C-list Actors 1 & 2. I could care less. As a matter of fact, I think I will care less. Starting right now. *Hits fast forward on the DVR* Eve!! *Pauses* she begins to speak *Hits fast forward again*
CM Punk's arrival signals that it is now time for our
MAIN EVENT
Match 7:: Handicap match: WWE Champion CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan and Lord Tensai
I said it before and I'll say it again, damn I love these punishment matches! CM Punk and Daniel Bryan barely even need a storyline. Their combined greatness could sell me anyway. I'd watch these two wrestle in a "loser shaves his beard" match. That being said, Tensai was kind of in the way here. He played his role well, but don't put Bryan and Punk in the ring and expect anyone to care about anything else. Not his fault. I still enjoyed his involvement, but I look forward to him flushing out a real feud instead of being thrown into everyone else's week after week. The match itself was well done though. As is to be expected with the talents involved. Solid storytelling. Good ring work. And then there's the CLAW. Did I mention I think that Tensai now has one of the coolest finishes in the WWE? Tensai over Punk after the CLAW. Bryan over Punk just because he can....YES!
Bryan's "O" face pretty much shows my overall level of anticipation for their OTL bout
Match Rating: ***
Final thoughts: A pretty dull show overall. No real storyline progression done tonight, which for me, is very disappointing. I found myself fighting the urge to fast forward on more then one occasion, but I suffered through most of it for all of you. Isn't that nice. You owe me.
Overall episode rating: 6.0
What to watch if you DVR'd the show: The tag match had the best action of the night. The post match segment was also well done. The Main Event was just OK. Watch Heyman's promo just to mark out if you'd like, but skip through pretty much everything else.
Raw has been shit since ER ended
ReplyDeleteU r soooooo fuckin right but i think things will pick back up when MITB comes again.
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