Here are my thoughts on this week's episode:
Segment 1: Big Show is a Giant
Big Show, in apparent shock that the fans no longer smile when he arrives
Big Show is in the ring trying to further justify his actions to the WWE Universe. He does so by pointing out the fact that he is bigger, stronger and more intimidating than the rest of us. Nice job. Seriously though, this whole promo would have been way more effective in a five minute window. Having Big Show talk about anything (besides food) more than that amount of time and he himself even appears to lose a bit of interest. This promo started out smooth, but things began to not make sense when he explains that he felt betrayed that no WWE superstars came to his aid during the most humiliating moment of his career. OK that's fine and dandy, but explain to me how this prompted you to side with the very person (Laurinaitis) who embarrassed you......yeahhhh....this was so/so for me.
Segment Rating: **
Match 1: United States Champion Santino Marella vs. Alberto Del Rio
A short match that was an impressive victory for Del Rio, but are we really seeing a feud unfold between Santino and Ricardo Rodriguez? Meh.
Match Rating: DUD
I have to mention the brief backstage interaction between Alex Riley and Big Show. Not much was really important here, but Riley being tossed into the wall was funny as hell.
Match 2:: WWE Tag Team Championship match: Kofi Kingston and R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger
This was another good match that was more of the same that we saw at the OTL PPV. Some fast paced in-ring action and more show stealing from Kofi Kingston and Dolph Ziggler. I've got to note that these two teams mesh very well together and this is the most exciting the tag division has been in years. That being said, I'm 100% behind Dolph splitting from Vickie and Swagger. I've been wanting this since Ziggler's feud with CM Punk in January. The guy is primed and ready for a strong push and I think he would fare well as the number two or three heel if he were moved over to Smackdown. Give him a run with the World title and feuds with Randy Orton and Christian and the potential for greatness is near limitless.
Match Rating: ***
Post match, we get more Big Show backstage bullying. So much for that campaign...
Shown: Big Show preparing the meat for his Italian sub
Segment 3: The WWE 13 cover is revealed. Nerds and smarks around the world all orgasm at once
In all honesty, the John Laurinaitis cover was pretty awesome. But holy fuck! CM Punk, the WWE's coolest superstar can now lay claim to having one of the coolest video game covers ever.
WWE 13 in stores Nov. 1, 2012
Judging by this segment, can we now make the argument that Punk is officially over as the new "man" in the WWE. I mean, they've positioned him as one of the top three guys for nearly a year now, but given the fact that he is having multiple Match of the Year candidates, he still sells the most T-shirts, has the lengthiest WWE title reign in four years and the crowd goes absolutely batshit everytime he makes an appearance, it's safe to say that it's his show now. The kids adore him, women scream for him, and the impossible to please adult male audience chant his name as if they were all promised that Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres would administer blowjobs to every fan who did so. Oh, and did anyone else notice the Attitude logo in the upper right corner of the cover? Even more interesting is the fact that Punk noted that an actual "wrestler" was going to be on the cover this year. A shot at WWE 12 cover star Randy Orton? I don't know, but I'm sure all of you dirt sheet readers will inform me soon enough.
Segment Rating: ***1/2
Match 3: WWE Champion CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan
I could seriously watch a whole episode of Raw featuring just these two. Every time they even announce a match between them, I pop like a preteen during the first few chords of "My Time Is Now". The classic series of matches these two have had in 2012 have officially, to quote Lance Storm, "restored my faith" in the WWE's willingness to give us technically brilliant matches like these. Dare I say the WWE Universe is hungry for this type of match again? It truly has been too long. This match may have been a notch below their match at the PPV, given that that was a bigger matchup with much more anticipation and importance (the title was on the line), but make no mistake, the ring work here was just as great. The crowd was white hot as well. AJ also arrived mid-match, adding another dynamic to this contest.
And another dynamic in my pants
fhekfdgherufghfksjdfhsdjhcskdjch!!!!!! I love it when hot women wear a cut-up version of a wrestlers shirt. A move that was a bit reminiscent of my favorite diva of all time...
Lita thought it was her screaming that distracted Edge's opponents. She was wrong.
If we're going for Edge/Lita II with CM Punk and AJ, I'm all for it. Though CM Punk may not be, given the fact that AJ rattled him long enough for Daniel Bryan to pick up the win here. Post match, Kane arrives and again assaults Bryan. I'm loving his involvement in this feud so far. If he's thrown into their match at No Way Out, things could get much more compelling. Kane then quickly set his sights on Punk, but AJ threw Punk a chair and he goes all "Stone Cold" on The Big Red Machine. AJ loves it. I love AJ. Great work!
Match Rating: ****
Match 4:: Intercontinental Champion Christian vs. The Miz
Christian again turns in a very good performance here. The Miz still appears to lack a bit of passion and focus, and I don't blame him with everything that's happened these past few months. Still, he got the job done. Cody Rhodes was brilliant on commentary as well. My overall excitement level for Rhodes/Christian II is about a 7/10, but if given the right amount of time, it could be the sleeper hit of the night. Christian has looked very impressive these past two weeks. Cody....not so much. He needs to earn a couple of victories if we're to believe he has any chance of regaining the IC title at NWO.
Match Rating: ***
Segment 4: Randy Orton is not a nice guy
Random heel tries to talk trash. Orton arrives. RKO. Crowd jizzes their pants. Works everytime.
Segment Rating: **
Nice Memorial Day video package featuring John Cena. An always classy move by the WWE when it comes to our troops.
Match 5: David Otunga vs. World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus
Not a big fan of Otunga's ring work and not a big enough fan of Sheamus for me to ignore Otunga's ring work. Dull match for me. Sheamus is pale. Otunga is the new spokesperson for baby oil. Brogue Kick. End match.
Match Rating: *
Cena/Show will now be a Cage match at No Way Out. Bringing back the old tradition of memorable NWO cage matches. Sounds good to me.
Brodus Clay is here. Funk is on a roll, signaling that it is now time for our
MAIN EVENT
Segment 5: Brodus Clay vs. Big Show....or not
Go figure that the 22-0 Brodus Clay's first real challenge never happened. Big Show spears Clay and then beats the hell out of him. I admit I was rather impressed. Whether it was because Show looked like an absolute destroyer again or because I just hate the Funkasaurus is irrelevant. Kofi and R-Truth try and run in for the save and Show hits Truth with a Kofi missile. They get their asses kicked because Big Show is a giant. Only stupid people fuck with a giant. Oh, and there was also this:
No more ass to ass action tonight folks, the Funkadatyls have shit themselves
Big Show is the new Mark Henry. Fine by me. I like my monsters monstrous. This one segment did more for Show's character in a few minutes then the opener did in 20. The five minute Big Show theory is in full effect.
Segment Rating: ****
Final thoughts: A solid episode that was pretty entertaining once it got going. Punk and Daniel Bryan had another match. Do I really need to tell you anything else?
Overall episode rating: 7.5
What to watch if you DVR'd the episode: The WWE 13 cover reveal, Punk vs Bryan was the best match of the night, but the tag match was exciting as well. Last but not least, take a look at the closing segment of the Show for some Hulk smashing.
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