WWE Monday Night Raw Review: 5/21/2012

Here are my thoughts on last night's episode:






We open the show with a very disgruntled John Cena.

Cena vents his frustrations on what may be the worst year of his career

Cena is pissed that he lost what should have been his easiest victory in his match with John Laurinaitis.  I'm pissed that I had to watch it.  Ok, that was harsh.  It wasn't the worst thing I have ever seen (Funkasuarus v The Miz), but I just thought it was all a little to predictable.  In all fairness, I was never really interested in the whole thing after the near five star classic that CM Punk and Daniel Bryan had earlier.  Fortunately, things get much more interesting here when Eve (looking as sexy as ever) and Big Johnny decide to show up.

Suddenly, the Human Douche Machine moniker I've given him is all the more fitting

I gotta say, I thought the pimped out Grandpa Scooter he rode in on was comedic genius.  Laurinaits deserves a lot more credit then he's been given lately.  I know everyone hates this guy (I do too), but let's not ignore the fact that he plays the "corporate villain" better than pretty much anyone else not named Vince McMahon.  He's made a brilliant turn from insignificant authority figure to the most hated man in the business in a matter of months solely with his shit eating grin and backdoor politics.  He is soon followed by his ace in the hole, Big Show, who also does a great job in his seamless transition from beloved Teddy Bear to Angry Giant.  He keeps his reasons for screwing Cena short, simple, and convincing and that's the way I would prefer things to go.  This may not be no where NEAR Feud of the Year material, but I'm still intrigued, and that's all that matters.  David Otunga also arrives and challenges Cena to a match tonight, dedicating the victory to Johnny.  Yeah....we all know how this will turn out.



Match 1: David Otunga vs. John Cena


This match served no real purpose other than to further express just how pissed off John Cena is after his loss at Over The Limit.  He gives David the ol' "I'm gonna grimace angrily at my opponent while making an example out of you" STF until he is assaulted by a bunch of Laurinaitis' goons.  Sheamus then runs in to make the save and we now have our main event for the night.  Cena and Sheamus will team up in a Handicap Lumberjack match against Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger and a shitload of jobbers. 


Match Rating: DUD



Match 2:: To determine the #1 contender for Sheamus' World Heavyweight Championship: Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton


There was some pretty entertaining pre match stuff between Ricardo and Santino here, but nothing really worth noting.  They pretty much killed the next 7 minutes of TV time by making a goof about Ricardo's ring announcing, all while leading us into another commercial break......meh.  Back from commercial, Randy Orton arrives looking about as annoyed as I was.  I've got to say, post Over The Limit, I'm finding Orton much more exciting again.  His performance at the PPV was top-notch and I recommend anyone a bit bored with his gimmick as of late to give the match a watch.  I much prefer him playing his old 'tweener' role, while Sheamus takes over as the Blue Brand's top babyface.  As far as this match goes, it was pretty much what you'd expect from these two.  It was a solid, back and forth match.  However, the commercial break in between came off as a bit excessive, given the fact that we'd already gone to commercial about four times in the first 45 minutes.  There was no finish to the match thanks to Chris Jericho, who much to my excitement, has now set his sights on The Viper.  HELL YEAAAHHHH!!!!!  After these two tore it down last night, I am more than pumped to see what they can produce together in the coming months.  Jericho levels Orton with two Codebreakers, screaming like a maniac.  He then hoists Orton up for one final strike, before leveling him with the third and final Codebreaker.  Good match leading to a great post match assault.  I love Jericho's new Joker-like persona....he never really has too much reasoning behind his attacks.....initially, it's usually some sort of ego driven attempt at proving he's the better man.  Still, as his feuds develop, the reasoning always fades until you realize that some men just want to watch the world burn (sorry, I had to go there)....needless to say, I'm loving this.

Look at me.....LOOK AT ME!!!!!

Match Rating: **3/4



Next, Daniel Bryan arrives and rightfully so, he's pissed about the controversy surrounding the ending to his match with CM Punk at OTL.  He feels as if he's been robbed after CM Punk was noticeably tapping out, but yet he was still awarded the victory after Bryan accidentally pinned his shoulders to the mat for the three count.  Bryan demands a rematch and there's only one man that can give it to him.

CM Punk, holding his Best in the World trophy

Punk acknowledges that his match with Bryan was one of if not THE best of his career, but he also is here to remind Bryan that he has yet to pay him back for causing Kane to kick the living shit out of him last week on Smackdown.  He then informs Bryan that it is now his turn to face the wrath of the Big Red Machine.



Match 3: Daniel Bryan vs. Kane


This was a quick little match that was a set up for CM Punk pulling a similar ruse on Daniel Bryan.  His plan works to perfection, leading Bryan to receive two Chokeslams from Kane.  I have a feeling that this is not over (it better not be).  Fine by me.  I hope that we get a Flair/Steamboat or Angle/Benoit like rivalry out of these two, culminating in a 60 minute Iron Man match.  I'd be hard pressed to find a better series of matches the WWE could book right now.


Match Rating: DUD



Backstage, Punk is again approached by AJ, who apparently has her sights now set on the WWE Champion as a rebound from Daniel Bryan.  Things are about to get very interesting.  Initially, Punk laughs off her advances, accusing her of being a psycho, but he gives in to what could be the most devastating maneuver in WWE history...

"AJ I don't think I can....it's just that.....Oh, alright"

Match 4:: Intercontinental Championship match: Christian(c) vs. Jinder Mahal


This was a pretty good (however brief) match and it's easily the best Mahal's looked as of late.  Christian is already doing a great job with the IC title and I believe him to be the right person for the job right now.  The man cares about the quality of all of his matches and to me, that's the mark of a true IC champion.  Instantly, the belt seems much more important than it does around the waist of Cody Rhodes, who has been consistently losing as champ, and the Big Show, who never really should have been champion to begin with.  Already, I'm much more interested in the title again and to a much lesser extent, Jinder Mahal.  A nice quick, yet solid IC title bout.


Match Rating: **


And now something a little more easy on the eyes....

Kelly Kelly, the cure for erectile dysfunction

Match 5: Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix


If I learned anything over the past week, it's that Beth Phoenix has no competition whatsoever in the divas division.  Her match with Layla was awesome, but it was hardly believable with Layla getting the clean pin.  What's more believable is the quick work she made of Kelly Kelly here.  Credit should be given to Phoenix for at the very least trying to make the other divas look good, but in the end, you just realize how many notches above she is.  In short.....COME BACK KHARMA!!!!!


Match Rating: *3/4



Sheamus' theme has hit, little pale folks around the world rejoice as he's signaled that it is now time for our



MAIN EVENT



Match 6:: Handicap Lumberjack match: Sheamus and John Cena vs. The World


There was a bit too much going on here, but Cena and Sheamus made the best of what they could with it.  The message sent here is that John Laurinaitis is not to be fucked with and all those who oppose him will be punished...severely.  Eventually this turns into an all out brawl, with every babyface in the back coming out to even the odds.  Cena then uses this as an opportunity to find his least two favorite guys in the back.  Unfortunately for Cena, Big Show would find him first, leveling him with the WMD.  Not the best finish in the world, but it got the job done.


Match Rating: **1/2










Final thoughts: Not as shitty as the last two episodes of Raw, but that's not really saying much.  There were no real notable matches, but a lot of storyline progression, which in many ways, is better for television.  Save the best in ring action for the PPVs, and it will give the matches a bigger and better feel.  Not the best Raw ever, but it wasn't a total waste either.


Overall episode rating: 6.0


What to watch if you DVR'd the episode: The CM Punk/Daniel Bryan segments, the Orton/Del Rio match and post match assault.  Also, I'd give the IC title match a quick view and watch the opening promo by Big Show if you're at all curious as to why he sold out.