This weeks Raw had its ups and downs, but the Three Stooges? As much as I love the original Stooges (and huge wrestling mark Will Sasso) as far as them being a part of Raw goes, I think I'll pass.....Still, all in all I once again found myself shocked and entertained by the WWE! Find out which parts of a memorable show are worth your viewing after the jump!
So John Laurinaitis has his own theme now.....and it sounds like the theme from Superman. I gotta say, I find the whole thing pretty awesome. Ol' Johnny Boy brings out Brock Lesnar to thank him for.....well for being Brock Lesnar and bringing "legitimacy" back to Monday Night Raw.
You're welcome Johnny, but there's no need to remind me how badass I am
Enter a pissed off John Cena, who's cracking an evil smile and I'm loving where this is going already. Cena informs Lesnar that he never got to properly thank him for last week. In case you missed it, he means this...
The F-5 heard around the world
Cena then gives Lesnar a kiss on the cheek, says "thank you", and then walks away to Kelly Kelly's theme. Ah, what a nice young man that John Cena is. I swear life can get no better when two people can get along and--
Again, if you agree and are happy with those last two sentences, then kill yourself.....immediately.
John Cena ain't no bitch! HE SMACKS BROCK LESNAR RIGHT ACROSS HIS SMUG FACE!!!! Lesnar attacks Cena and every smark that scoffed at the idea of this feud just collectively shit themselves!!! HOLY SHIT!!! CENA AND LESNAR!!! LESNAR AND CENA!!! MY GOD!!!!
Sorry...someone had to play J.R. in this one. Seriously though, I'm a HUGE fan of pure hatred between two competitors and I felt that here. I doubt that Lesnar has ever seen that kind of disrespect in his life and he looked fuckin' furious. John Cena ended up taking a stiff shot from Brock and it seems as if he enjoys finally having some REAL competition (and no...The Rock doesn't count) because he was smiling like a Vampire that just had a virgin for dinner
Or Wanderlei Silva after a Rampage Jackson fight
I loved every second of this. Cena has the biggest nuts in the world....seriously. It was a bit of a shocker given how soft Cena has been lately, but I am more than pleased with this segment. It was the best opener of the year thus far. Another one to look for on the Best of Raw and Smackdown 2012 DVD. Great stuff.
We then cut to John Laurinaitis backstage who is pretending to be upset that HE hired Brock Lesnar to destroy John Cena...I don't believe you Johnny....I know you too well. Either way who gives a shit, the real star here is Eve. She apparently is taking the Stacy Kiebler "super hot vixen that feeds on powerful men because they can't resist her", gimmick and I'm all for it. That stare could convince any man to do terrible, terrible things.
Match 1: Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella and Brodus Clay
This match was fun for what it was, but as entertaining as they both are, I just can't get behind Brodus and Santino. Maybe it's because they destroyed Ziggler for the second week in a row. Or maybe even more so because it seems as if it's inevitable that they are going to end the great run Primo and Epico have had as Tag Champs. I don't know exactly why, but I'm not on board. Still, it was a fun match and Santino again stole the show with his hilarious dancing.
Match Rating: **
Backstage, Johnny Ace is approached by John Cena, who's sounding more and more aggressive each week and I'm loving it. I think that F-5 knocked him back into 2003.....I hope he remembers how to wrestle.....that was a joke....calm down Cenation. Cena's promo here was amazing. He's sick and tired of Johnny bringing stars from other arenas into his house. Great promo that got straight to the point. Cena demands a match tonight and he gets it....with David OIL-Tunga....yeah.....
You'll have to excuse me if I skip past most of the Three Stooges stuff....I was busy inserting needles into my eyes.
Match 2: R-Truth vs. Cody Rhodes
I know Cody.....I know....
This match was over before it even started. As soon as R Truth arrived, I knew the whole thing was just filler. The Big Show arrives and distracts Rhodes, again costing him a victory. I'm OK with all of this, as long as it leads to Cody regaining his Intercontinental Championship.
Match Rating: **
Back from commercial, we get another 'exhibition' from Lord Tensai!
I think Tensai means "squash machine" in Japanese...
Match 3: Lord Tensai vs. Yoshi Tastu
Shame to see Tastu used as squash meat, but they're booking Tensai great. He makes quick work of Tatsu and again hits his opponent with that mist spitting claw? Misty Claw? They need to find a name for that move ASAP! Good segment.
Match Rating: *1/2
CM Punk has another match with Mark Henry (YES! YES! YES!) and prior to the match, he cuts a good promo about how the feud between him and Jericho is no longer about who the Best in the World is. Things have gotten very personal and Punk just wants to beat the shit out of Jericho. Punk again proves that he is truly the best in the world when it comes to being realistic and convincing on the microphone. More of this please..
Another solid turn in what may go down as the feud of the year
Punk gets interrupted by Jericho, who's been appearing on the tron more than The Rock lately. Jericho again, comes off as the biggest asshole since....well since Chris Jericho circa 2008/2009. Jericho is horribly determined to push Punk over the edge and I'm loving every second of it. Jericho is so good at making me hate him, and that is why he is my second favorite performer ever. Funny how that works. I seriously can't decide who is going to come out the better in this feud because both men are elevating each other to levels of awesomeness never before seen! OK, enough ass kissing, it's time for some wig splitting!
Match 4:: WWE Championship match: Mark Henry vs. CM Punk
Mark Henry has been brilliantly used as the third piece to the Punk/Jericho puzzle. Great for us "wig splitters" (that's what I'm calling us Mark Henry supporters for the time being....I know it sucks...get over it I'm doing some serious journalism here) to have Henry back in the title scene again. The sad part is, we miss out on another Henry-Punk match! Punk gets DQ'd after hitting Henry with a TV monitor. Ah well, there's always next week. Thankfully, Chris Jericho arrives and gives us another great post match assault on CM Punk. Jericho is the best heel going right now. I mean the audacity!!! He not only pours beer all over a straight edge CM Punk, but CHEAP BEER...ugh, the inhumanity!!! I've said it before and I'll say it again. Chris Jericho is a genius. Great work.
Match Rating: **1/2
By the way I neglected to mention this before, but did anyone else spot that super hot CM Punk fan?
If more women like this watched, wrestling would be "cool" again
Match 5: Zack Ryder vs. Alberto Del Rio
Another squash. Shame for Zack Ryder, but Alberto looked great here.
Match Rating: *
Loved the backstage promos by both Mark Henry and Brock Lesnar tonight. The era of great destroyers has returned. CM Punk now has a bigger target on his back than ever.
The video package highlighting the match between Triple H and The Undertaker was outstanding. It was easily one of the greatest matches ever and it deserves to be remembered as such. I feel as if I got closure to that chapter of my life and I'm looking forward to the next one. That being said, it's now time for our
MAIN EVENT
Match 6: John Cena vs. David Otunga
This match was nothing more than a John Cena showcase. Fine by me, John deserves to look like a badass again after everything that's happened to him lately. A solid match, ending with Otunga tapping out to the STF. Post match "The War Machine" Brock Lesnar arrives a lays Cena out with an F-5 to close the show for the second week in a row.
Match Rating: **1/4
I gotta note that the vibe of this episode was "change". Everything is changing for the better and it appears that whatever transitional phase the WWE is in, is now coming to a close. We've got big time feuds again with Punk/Jericho and Cena/Lesnar, exciting "new" talents like Ryback, Lord Tensai, and Damien Sandow, destroyers like Mark Henry, Big Show and Kane and a fully loaded roster with more than enough capable wrestlers such as Christian, Alberto Del Rio, Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston and Cody Rhodes. And let's not forget the looming return of Rey Mysterio. I can't help but be excited at what the future holds.
Overall episode rating: 7/10
What to watch if you DVR'd the episode: The opener with Cena and Lesnar, EVERY backstage promo and the entire Punk/Henry/Jericho segment made this show worth viewing. Most of the matches fell a bit flat, but got the job done.....literally.
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