WWE Monday Night Raw Review: 7/30/2012

Here are my thoughts on last night's episode:



Prior to the show, the Raw set caught FIRE.  As a pretty superstitious person, i have to address the elephant in the room and ask the hard question....is a fire just moments before the 1,001st Raw a sign of things to come for the new era?  Well, read on and find out....

Segment 1: I'm the WWE Champion. Show me some Respect

"Last week's show ended how every show should end."

CM Punk delivered a passionate and honest promo (sound familiar?) that touched on how he has been treated since becoming the WWE Champion.  He rips Jerry Lawler, The Rock and everyone else for not giving him the respect he deserves and as champion, not having the focus of the show be on the title.  Needless to say, I loved this.  I'm a firm believer that the champion should be the primary focus of any wrestling program and the WWE has lost sight of that a bit so it was good of them to acknowledge that.  Punk's intensity on that microphone is unmatched, as was evident when John Cena and Big Show arrived.  CM Punk's face told the story here almost more than any words could.  Again, he was rudely interrupted and again, someone else was trespassing into his spotlight.  AJ comes out and announces that our main event tonight will be a #1 contenders match between Big Show and John Cena.  The MAIN EVENT!?  Our champion is not pleased. A very good opening segment that left me very curious as to how things would play out.


Segment Rating: ***1/4

Match 1: United States Champion Santino Marella vs. Alberto Del Rio

This match went a bit longer than I expected, but was still pretty much a squash.  A squash that didn't really serve any purpose.  Del Rio comes out of it looking no stronger than he already does and Santino no longer feels like the underdog anymore, he's been one of the popular kids for a while now.  I almost always find myself wanting to see him lose.  That's not they way I want to feel about the US champ.  In short, someone get that title off him ASAP. 


Winner: Alberto Del Rio

Match Rating: **

Segment 2: Hallelujah!

As much as I love to knock Brodus Clay, the following shot of the Funkadactyls has to be the best return from commercial I have ever seen

I <3 Ass-to-Ass

Like the rest of the WWE Universe over the age of 13, I groaned at what I was sure was going to be another meaningless squash.  I was both right and wrong.  It was a squash, but it was far from meaningless.  Damien Sandow beat the living funk out of Brodus Clay and he did it so that we no longer have to be subjected to this idiocracy.  You're welcome.

Segment Rating: **3/4

Daniel Bryan and AJ have their first backstage interaction in her new office.  She tells Bryan they should put the past behind them and in favor of doing so, she's put him in a match with Sheamus tonight.  Bryan asking "is it for the title?" made me chuckle.  AJ's reply: "NO! NO! NO!"....

Match 2:: Street Fight: Daniel Bryan vs. World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus

As a result of the RawActive initiative, this match was voted a street fight by the WWE Universe and HOLY SHIT what a match it was!  This match has to be up for argument when on the topic of best TV matches this year!  Title or no title, Daniel Bryan and Sheamus' chemistry is just so natural you really feel as if they thoroughly enjoy beating the living shit out of each other.  This match should serve as an example of that statement.  They take the fight all over the arena and trade stiff strikes until both men seemed to have next to nothing left in the tank.  I'd throw this up there with the Orton/Barrett street fight from earlier this year on Smackdown.  An intense and very exciting match!  Daniel Bryan is only rivaled by CM Punk in terms of work rate in 2012 and Sheamus now has earned a good reputation of taking on all comers and contesting in very physical matches on a regular basis.  It gives the great white a very unique feel as champion and it I'm digging it. 

Winner: Sheamus

Match Rating: ****

Segment 3: You're consoling an imaginary child!

Daniel Bryan is in the ring demanding medical attention (be careful what you wish for Daniel).  The Tag Team Champions R-Truth and Kofi Kingston arrive as Kofi is set for singles competition.  Truth and Kingston try and force Bryan to leave, prompting him to kick Little Jimmy.  Truth quickly rushes to Jimmy's side.....*pause*.....I can't believe I'm recapping a segment where a wrestler attacks another wrestler's invisible sidekick, but such is the wacky world of professional wrestling......anyway, Bryan utters what has to be the line of the night (see the segment title) and I laugh so hard I forget how ridiculous this whole thing is.  Bryan's comedic timing is very similar to Kurt Angle's during the Attitude Era.  He has this very sophomoric sense of humor and can get almost anything to work as a result.  Look for more segments like this one from Bryan in the coming months.  He's just too good in them for the WWE not to capitalize on it.  AJ arrives and has Bryan ushered off for psychiatric evaluation and I actually look forward to where this is going.  She's wearing the evil bitch jacket quite well....but not quite as well as her ass is wearing those pants.   Sorry, I'm losing focus....I meant to say I hate you AJ!!!....*clears throat and loosens collar*  Good segment.

Segment Rating: ****

Hell hath no fury....

Match 3: Kofi Kingston w/R-Truth and Little Jimmy vs. Titus O'neil w/Darren Young and AW

Did I really just list Little Jimmy as an actual manager?

Hang on a moment.....

Match 3: Kofi Kingston w/R-Truth and Little Jimmy vs. Titus O'neil w/Darren Young and AW

This match was nothing special.  Kofi does an admirable job at making Titus look like an actual wrestler, but I'm still not sold on the guy.  The Primetime Players are one of those tandems where the sum is much greater than it's parts.  AW shouts out a pretty offensive Kobe Bryant rape joke during this match.  Was I the only one who heard that?  I hope no one in the back did, because there will go his "mic managing" and I usually get a kick out of him shouting insults in the matches.  Seriously though, he should be punished for that one.  Even if it was just a joke, no one thinks or should think that rape is funny.  It's pretty low-brow and was highly unnecessary.  Ah well, solid work, but a very forgettable contest that was overshadowed by a stupid decision made by AW.

Winner: Titus O'neil

Match Rating: **

The WWE wants us to vote on who is crazier between Daniel Bryan and AJ....really?....seriously?....is that even a question?...

Does this photo not provide answer enough?

CM Punk's shit eating grin as he riffed on John Cena backstage, was one of the highlights of the night, however brief it was.  It was classic Punk and I ate it up.

Match 4: Heath Slater vs. Randy Orton

Heath Slater issues a challenge to any current WWE superstar.  Randy Orton is back. 

Damn! I came out here to RKO that AW guy....oh well, you'll just have to do

Heath Slater gets a couple hits in.  Orton goes through his comeback.  RKO.  Women cum all over themselves.  Men are annoyed that women are cumming all over themselves but are too busy jizzing their pants to argue.  End match.  Seriously, they could book every Orton match this way and it will always get a pop.  Hi, howya doin? Clothesline, Powerslam, DDT, RKO!!

Winner: Randy Orton

Match Rating: N/A

Daniel Bryan's psych evaluation segments were classic stuff.  I know most people will bury them, but they're getting him over and I really got a kick out of each one.

Match 5:: Tag Team match: Chris Jericho and Christian vs. Dolph Ziggler and Intercontinental Champion The Miz

This was one hell of a tag match.  It's a rare find these days, but these four pulled it off tremendously.  Ziggler and Miz work surprisingly well together and it was nice to see Christian and Chris Jericho back together again.  They cut a good pace and had some very good storytelling.  Minus Ziggler making a Fame-Ass out of him self by leaping straight over Christian (a rare misstep by Dolph) it was one of the best tag bouts of the year thus far.

Winners: Chris Jericho and Christian

Match Rating: ***1/2 of these--

--Out of 5

Match 6: Tensai vs. Tyson Kidd

They had a match?

Winner: Tensai

Match Rating: Um.....they had a match?

CM Punk is here to provide us with some awesome commentary, which signals that it is now time for our

MAIN EVENT

Match 7:: #1 Contenders match: John Cena vs. Big Show

Punk's commentary made my night.  He and Jerry Lawler were far more entertaining than the match itself. 

Hello to you to Jerry, and to your $10 t-shirt I say, shame on you, Jerry....shame

The match itself was what you'd expect from Show and Cena.  Show no sold most of Cena's offense and Cena then responded by lifting Show off his feet.  It's a weird thing to say, but picking Big Show up stopped being impressive years ago.  At least when you're John Cena and we all know you could pretty much suplex a tractor trailer.  A solid match, but the ending was a bit weak.  Punk interrupts and causes the match to end in "no contest".  He says no one wins because they are both losers and then leaves.  Out comes AJ and announces that there will be a triple threat match for the WWE title at Summerslam.  Punk is pissed and gets in AJ's face.  Show and Cena would both provide quite the challenge individually, he damn sure doesn't want to have to fight both these guys.  Hey at least I got what I wanted.  Even if the ending felt a bit rushed.

Winner: Big Show....and John Cena....

Match Rating: **3/4

Gotta wonder if Punk still digs Crazy Chicks

Final Thoughts

A very good episode with lots of great action and build towards Summerslam.  I'm happy to say that the WWE's first non special three hour Raw wasn't a recap filled....oh wait...they did fuck our eyes with that HHH/Lesnar hype vid about seven or eight times....you know what.....let's try this again

The show was a recap filled show, but it was still a good show overall.  Just skip past all the Raw 1000 rewinds and TOUT fuckery and you'll go home....or um....more home......or to sleep...I dunno just skip all that shit, watch the matches and anything involving CM Punk or Daniel Bryan and you won't be disappointed.  There...I got through that unharmed...waddaya know....I reviewed the shit out of that didn't I?....See you next week marks!

Overall episode rating: 8/10