G9Z Wrestling: WWE PPV Preview: Elimination Chamber 2013

The Rock & CM Punk clash for the second time ever!

Here are my predictions for tomorrow's show:

Pre-Show match: Brodus Clay & Tensai vs. Rhodes Scholars (Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow)

So remind me, what the hell was the point in the Rhodes Scholars' initial split? Whatevs, I feel as if I cursed Cody Rhodes by naming him the 2011 recipient of the "Next Big Thing" award because the guy has not had any real impact on WWE television aside from being the lesser half of the WWE's second most awesome tag team. Fuck....I named Dean Ambrose 2012's winner. Shit! Shit! SHIIITTTT! Ah, who'm I kidding, it's Dean friggin' Ambrose. Guys that good don't need luck. Ha, I've just spent the majority of this paragraph talking about a guy who isn't even in the match. I think that says a whole lot about my interest. It could be a decent enough outing, but don't shit yourselves at the end result. We all can see where this one's going...

Winners: Brodus Clay & Tensai

WWE Divas Championship match: ~~Sara Connor~~ Kaitlyn(c) vs. Tamina

I've been up and down on Kaitlyn for a while now. And Tamina is solid enough, but regardless who wins here, in my eyes, they're just placeholders until (hopefully) AJ Lee gets her hands on the gold...er...silver...wait no, purple...fuck...the silvery purple. This one's pretty predictable also, but don't get too distracted when your ordering your food, we may just have a good ol fashioned FIGHT on our hands.

Winner and STILL Divas Champion: Kaitlyn

WWE United States Championship match: Antonio Cesaro(c) vs. The Miz

Um...yeah...

Winner and STILL United States Champion: Antonio Cesaro

The Mega Schmega Powers (John Cena, Ryback & Sheamus) vs. The Shield (Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose)

If The Shield's performance at TLC was any indication, these three hungry lions have every intention of tearing down the house. There's arguably no other heel stable in WWE history that has been booked more dominant and is overall more feared and these guys are still relatively new. I would say that they HAVE to go over, but I doubt it's going to happen. Either way this one should have the crowd beyond fired up and the idea of seeing Ambrose mix it up with Cena is the most mouth watering bit for me. I'm gonna go with The Shield simply because I want them to win that bad. So yeah don't trust my reasoning there. This pick's on a hundred percent bias. Still, could you imagine the level of wrestle orgasmo we'll all reach if I get this one right?

Winners: The Shield

Elimination Chamber match (winner gets a WHC title shot at Wrestlemania): Mark Henry vs Jack Swagger vs Kane vs Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton vs Chris Jericho

The top two contenders who stand out for me are Mark Henry and Jack Swagger. Henry because he's been an absolute monster since his return. Swagger because he's been an absolute monster since his....fuck. I guess I'm pretty split on the two. I can't imagine how they'll believably eliminate Henry unless they do him Umaga style. Still, Swagger vs. Del Rio is the most compelling match they could book right now with the potential they have here. Racist pro-Americans vs. Mexican hero could be pure gold if done right. Like JBL vs. Guerrero back in the day, you could stretch a good program out of it if the matches deliver (they more than likely will).

Winner: Jack Swagger

World Heavyweight Championship match: Alberto Del Rio(c) w/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Big Show

This feud has happened entirely in reverse. They've started off with two last man standing matches that have built up to a standard one-on-one match at the last PPV before Wrestlemania. Interestingly enough, I'm still interested. I think that says a lot about their chemistry. Not expecting anything but a Del Rio win here. They've got a potential big $$$ feud in Del Rio/Swagger and to ruin that so that Big Show can get another 1 month title run would just be silly.

Winner and STILL World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio

WWE Championship match (title can change hands on a DQ or Countout): The Rock(c) vs. CM Punk

The Rock/Punk feud has been the most polarizing bit of business the WWE has done in the entire decade thus far and I'm loving every second of it. Their dynamic together is the best thing going for me and it's arguable that few matches/potential outcomes have ever caused as much of a passionate response from casual fans and smarks alike. That kind of drama and emotion is what pro wrestling is all about. Every day on twitter and all across the wrestling forums, it's the mostly hotly debated and emotionally compelling WWE title feud in ages. I even went back and watched the rumble main event again and I got the chills in the opening package and all through the match due to the fact that I now know just how big of an impact it would end up having. Cherish stuff like this because if my prediction is correct and it's going to be Rock/Cena at mania, this match will likely be the more electric of the two. As far as my feelings on a CM Punk victory, I think it's what I'd rather see happen, but then I'd be a little pissed that they took the title off him in the first place (what would have been the point?). Either way, I'm going to be on the edge of my seat for a match I'm pretty sure I know the outcome to. And that is the most intriguing bit of it all.

Winner and STILL WWE Champion: The Rock

The Verdict

This card is seemingly more stacked than the one they seem to be going with for mania. At least for me. The WHC contender's chamber should be a hell of a war, Rock/Punk II has the emotional factor, Team Cena vs. The Shield will be yet another fantastic showcase for North American wrestling's best stable and both Cesaro/Miz and Big Show/Del Rio could both be better than expected. Let's not forget about the good chance of a Ziggler cash in. There's the potential for an all-time show here even if it's a bit predictable. Sometimes, predictable is good because then the WWE can throw us one of those Money In The Bank 2011-like curveballs. Then again, they might just let The Rock, Cena & Orton go over just to tell the Internet to go fuck itself. Hey, at least if the latter happens, we'll always have this guy to cheer us up: